We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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