whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
