I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
