dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
