Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
3pm strippers are depressing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
