george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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