i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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