it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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