alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
