I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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