your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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