he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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