Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
