I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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