call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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