You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
