How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
