Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
