Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
