you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
