Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
