a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
