i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she smelled like a LAN party
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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