Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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