i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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