This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
