let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
