So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
