I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
