You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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