at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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