nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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