my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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