so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
