the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
