Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
