Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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