matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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