i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i now understand why vodka
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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