i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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