Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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