The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
