How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
