In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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