you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
