Your dad touched me again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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