just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
