I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Its about making memories worth repressing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
