We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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