Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
where are you?
Hypothermia
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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