Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
