Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
