i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this beer tastes like vomit already
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
