Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
