Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
