i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
