Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
