OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
