Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
