It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
