when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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