I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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