Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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