I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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