My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
