i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So vagazzling was a success
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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