nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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