hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
