bring money and cleavage
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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