His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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