I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
