Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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