you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
