Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
